Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
