I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
