I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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