We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
