Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
