I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
