a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
