i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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