the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
