And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
