Apparently you make a good broom.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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