They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
