Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
