well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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