You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
