Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're not piercing ourselves today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
