i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
