? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
