after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
