where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
