No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
