I'm so fucking centered right now
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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