you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
