you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
