You're so nebulous sometimes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
