i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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