i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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