I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
