I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
