next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
