I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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