i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
