I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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