Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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