White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
