I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
