Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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