Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
