yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
