Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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