So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
