so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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