so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
