HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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