I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone came in the potted fern
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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