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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
