Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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