I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk is not a location!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
