he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
