if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
