I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
