We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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