I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
